Well, well, well…look who we have here.

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Wow. Just wow.

Skip forward 3 years in the future and here we are.

Same girl (well no, not at all), same state, same diagnosis of Celiac, STILL in college.

So much has happened over these past couple years, it seems to hard to even try to put it into words. I have succeeded in life. I have made the greatest friends I’ve ever had. I’ve had lasting and loving relationships. I have been cast in more shows than I thought possible. I have gotten straight A’s. I have a great roommate. I am still nannying for a wonderful little guy, and another family now as well. SO MUCH has happened.

However, it has not come without its many, many tribulations. I have slipped. I have fallen. I have relapsed into my eating disorder. I have gone back to treatment.  I have had to leave school. I have lost friends. Trust has been broken. I have gotten my heart broken. So much has

And here we are. February 2017. A senior (FINALLY) in college, graduating in May! I am taking a full load of courses, still nannying, and if we’re being very honest and vulnerable, hard core struggling ED wise. Eating and behaviors have caused a downward spiral, and I am in a journey of now crawling out of this mudhole

It is not easy. Everyday I wake up with a monster in my brain, screaming at me, telling me that I shouldn’t, I can’t. And everyday I make a conscious decision to either fight that voice or go with it.

So why find/start up this blog again? I read my original message, about me wanting to use this as a place to document eating, especially gluten free food. So here we are again. And I hope that maybe I still have followers, can potentially gain more and have support as well as help people along the way.

So welcome back to me and welcome back to my followers! Let’s go!blog-photo

Oh Questie, my Questie!

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Anyone that knows me (or follows me on Instagram) knows that I am obsessed with Quest bars.
What are you Quest bars, you ask? The best things to happen to protein. No but in all seriousness, they are a protein bar that come in a variety of flavors (16 I believe), that pride themselves in being high in protein, low in carbs and gluten free.

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Now while I Love Quest nutrition, I’m not really on board with their whole philosophy of “Cheat Clean!” and doing reps and squats up in da gym and counting macros ( don’t know what those are and I really don’t care to learn, ok thanks bye.).

HOWEVER, that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy them!! 🙂

As with others I know, I have my favorite flavors (I can’t get enough Cookies and Cream and White Chocolate Raspberry) but recently I have been receiving the variety packs from my mom (shoutout for the best care packages!! :)) So I have been trying all the flavors and decided to review a couple that are new to me!

LEMON CREAM PIE

Lemon pie quest

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Look: 8/10
With most Quest bars, the “look” is often hard to judge. Sometimes they melt in the car, into weird morphed shapes. However this particular flavor seemed to have chunks of lemon in it, so A for effort on that Quest.

Smell: 6/10
Honestly, it gave off the smell of Lemon pledge, which made me a little leery about how it might taste.

Taste: 4/10
NOPE. Just nope. This was the first Quest flavor that has disappointed. The lemon was way too artificial and strong, and it ended up tasted a lot like Lemon Bacardi (which in itself, tastes like bad decisions). It was too much to handle, even though I finished the whole thing.

Overall: 5/10
This is one of those flavors that people don’t care for or can’t get enough of. I suppose it’s really up the individual and their taste preferences, however for this girl, it just wasn’t cutting it.

PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY

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Look: 4/10
Nothing too special. Can’t see any chunks of anything or any bright colors. Just plain looking.

Smell: 4/10
Once again, nothing special….no aroma given off.

Taste: 8/10
Wha wha what?? I heated this one up for a little bit and could instantly smell the peanut butter! After a few bites, I actually got some crunchy peanuts! And I could actually taste some strawberry jelly, which was incredible.

Overall: 7/10
I really liked this flavor! For what it was worth (sometimes PB&J can go terribly wrong) it pleasantly surprised me! Not top of my list, but definitely a flavor I’ll try again!

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And of course I partook in one while watching my fav, Parks and Recreation ❤

That's all folks!

Who’s that girl?

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WOW….. hello there!

Remember me? I’m the girl who runs this blog.

I want to apologize for my huge gap in absence…. I feel like these past couple of weeks have been so jam packed with so many things (i.e. MY MOM CAME TO VISIT :), starting school, auditions, jobs, yaddi yaddi ya….) and this blog kind of took a back seat on the list of my priorities.

I have a lot of posts to write about so I’ll try to just sum up some things in this (all of these I will write more detailed posts):

 

1. I went to a Rockies game with a girl I met on Instagram. I know that saying that sounds sketchy as hell, but I’m working on being more adventurous, I had a free Rockies ticket, she is in recovery, and I knew she lived in Denver!! We had an amazing time and it was just an awesome day. 

2. My mom came to visit me for a week, and I believe I speak for us both when I say that we had the best time we have had in almost 4 years. Yes, we ate out a lot. Yes I had terrible body image. But having an amazing time with my mom ruled over that. We got pedicures, experienced lots of local places, went shopping, went to Garden of the GOds, Ikea… and tons more. I”m actually sad she’s gone, but then it was so nice to show her MY city 😀

3. I have been in a really weird place with recovery. A girl I was in treatment with this past year at ERC passed away this morning. She was 23 years old and had just become a registered nurse. Now I don’t know all the details about what happened, but I know that she had just left treatment in late May, which kind of leads me to believe she may have passed due to some longstanding damage caused by her ED….which is such a terrible thought. I feel like I have been doing really well, but am feeling like external sources don’t believe that’s true. How do you know when you’re doing the right thing?

4. I. STARTED. SCHOOL. I haven’t been in college for 2 years, thanks to all my treatment stays. I can’t tell you how amazing it feels to be on a legitimate campus, to go to real classes, to SIT IN DESKS!! I am actually the biggest dork.. I feel like I”m so psyched to learn, whereas everyone else in my class is like “Sista, calm down. This is Public Speaking….”. I am just so incredibly grateful to have been given a second chance, that this was made possible( especially by my loving parents and family). It’s only been my first week, but I have been loving every second (even the times where I had no idea where the hell my classroom was).

5. I’ve had a number of rejections this past week, and they have been terribly disappointing. However, normally I would just give up after 1 try. That’s not happening this time. And I’m proud of that.

 

 

Like I said, more detailed posts to come!!! If you’ve kept up with me, thank you. I so dearly appreciate it!!!

My no-good, very-weird, 16th Street encounter.

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So yesterday was a pretty nice day, I didn’t have too much going on, and I wanted to go search Barnes & Noble for a book…so I decided to hit up 16th Street Mall! I haven’t really gone anywhere near there because it’s always mobbed with people, and this girl doesn’t do parallel parking THAT well, yet. But I decided, why not?

It’s actually an awesome strip, with tons of stores and restaurants, varying from chains to local places. I spent a lot of time just wandering around and just people-watching. The mall (which is outside) actually has pianos outside that are free for anyone to sit down and play. I actually struck up  a conversation with a man that had gone to Berkeley for classical piano, and through some tragic events, ended up homeless on the streets of Denver.He goes to the mall everyday to play and hope he brings some joy to people listening.

NEVER would I have ever thought I would just take the time to sit and listen to a homeless person share their story out of interest, but I don’t know…I feel like this city has changed me. I bought him Subway after that…. it was the least I could do, after he played me a Beethoven Sonata.

As I continued down the mall, I could see somehow walking towards me. Excuse me, not walking, speed walking. Somewhere between jogging and running. I have only seen one person who moves that way. I will refer to her as A…. I knew her from my past stay at ERC. She was an older woman who would CONSISTENTLY pace up and down the hallway, always “just checking” the doors, or “just looking” for something… anything. I called BS on that pretty fast, because I knew that game. That had been me my first stay there…. any movement was necessary. But I could distance myself from her, because I knew this past stay that pacing didn’t get me anywhere…. except it got me tons of hate from other patients and a Bodybug. So yeah.

 

However, I realized this woman coming towards me was A. In my mind, I knew I should’ve kept walking, but something compelled me to say hi. I stopped her and she looked slightly confused…but then her face lit up and these words followed: “Oh my god Kenna hi!!! You’ve lost so much weight!! Ugh I”m so jealous, you look great. I have to stay at XX pounds or I have to go back. You look amazing. I have to go. Congratulations!”

 

And just like that, she was off walking again.

I was floored. What the hell just happened? How could so much come out of someone’s mouth so fast? What was I supposed to do with what she just told me? WHAT THE F***?

And my next reaction shocked me even more.

Instead of feeling proud or happy that someone noticed I may have been struggling, or thoughts congratulating me….. I felt sad. For so many reasons. I was sad she thought of struggling as something to congratulate. That she was violently pacing up and down the mall on a gorgeous day. That she seemed so distant. I was sad that it seemed ERC had not changed her at all. Now every treatment program is different, and everyone responds to things differently… I understand and respect that. But ERC truly saved my life. And I believe those close to me (family, friends) can agree. Even though I had to return, it’s not because the program had “failed me”… I had failed me and I needed to be reminded as to what I value. 

I called a friend of mine and was able to process it. She was really helpful and let me know how proud she was of me of how I handled that situation.

And you know what? I had a great rest of the day! I went out to see “Begin Again” with one of my guy co-workers. It was such a great movie and we had such a great time! We got drinks afterwards (because I am 21 and an adult 😉 ) and then went and harassed our co-workers at the good old ‘Bucks.

I’m actually amazed at how good I feel. Maybe that won’t last..who knows? I’ll bask in it for now.